So recently a friend of mine tweeted that he hated when people bragged about being able to drop people. They held it akin to not being able to communicate or maintain relationships. This made me frustrated and angry. However, knowing the person I also know that if I said that I needed to drop someone he would be super agreeable and supportive.
For me dropping people is a feat of social endurance. It is infinitely easier to stay friends with someone to keep a crappy person in your life than to take the step to remove them from your life. It is not a lack of social skills but in fact a leveling up. For so long we just fall into habits of expecting so little from the people in your life. I remember when I started hanging out with a group of friends my sophomore year of college I found one of them to be kind of abrasive and selfish. When I brought it up they just all went “Oh that’s how he is” or “oh that’s how he’s always been you can’t expect him to change now.”
These mentalities to keeping friends is detrimental to someone’s social and emotional well being. Thinking you don’t deserve to be treated well or that you should have friends that aren’t good wears on a person. A friend is one of the only connections a person truly gets to choose. You don’t pick your family or your neighbors or co-workers. If you don’t say this is not what I want than you are settling.
So yes a friend break up suck and it sucks that those connections don’t always work out. But it’s far better to be able to drop someone than to be stuck in a situation where you feel that you owe your friendship even if it’s not the friendship you want,
I and, I think many people, have a pathological need for people to like me. Partially, I think because my natural instinct is to assume that no one on earth likes me and it’s a miracle when people do. I try, really hard. However, I also am attempting to be a working professional. I really want to be productive and work with people to reach a common goal. However, when I work with others I often get distracted by wanting to become friends with who ever I was working with.
You know when you are working in a group project and often end up hating those who can’t hold their weight in a project. It’s so easy to let professional feelings mess with personal feelings and vice versa. Just because a person isn’t your favorite doesn’t mean they aren’t good at their job.
Sometimes I feel like I take that mindset with me into my work life. I take on more work than is fair so people will like me more. It’s hard to find a balance between effectively doing my job and befriending those in my new job. It is a lot harder than I had initially anticipated. I want to balance my life, but being liked in my job is important cause you know politics and stuff.
Wish me luck.
Ending any relationship with those close to you is hard, even if it’s for the best. Closure is harder. I find that burning bridges is the best way to achieve closure because it doesn’t let you go back, there is no temptation of the grass being greener behind you. I have a bad habit of going back on my decision, treating myself like a doormat because I prefer to be friends with someone. Even if they are TERRIBLE friends.
I don’t know that I had ever actually experienced closure until recently. Mostly because I am a super fan of quitting people cold turkey, because of the reasons mentioned above. However in the past 2 months I have a had to see a couple people that I had thought, hoped, prayed, I would never see again. This time, instead of feeling crazy and stressed, I felt good.
I felt so satisfied with my decisions and like oh yeah, my life is better without these humans. My pushing them away after the relationship needed to end, keeps them away and keeps me from going back. Anyway closure is a wonderful feeling and for me burning the bridges really helped me get there.
I had a plan. To be fair I have had lots and lots and lots of plans. I’m pretty sure that my long and short term goals have changed like 20 times over the past 5 years. Even in the past month things have changed from the initial plan that I had when finishing my degree.
Plan A: I was rejected from. Rejected is my least favorite feeling and it definitely has put me in a moving forward slump out of new fear of rejection.
Plan B: I figure out is not what I wanted when I had to consider it seriously. Which was a bummer, I think but it would have been more of a bummer to actually go through with it and be completely miserable and not making any money
So it took a little step back and am letting myself be a little lost. I am still working/free-riding and working while gaining experience. So my currently plan is a large amalgam of back up plans while trying to figure my life out. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT! This is largely keeping me from wanting to do anything or move in any particular direction.
Right now I am staying put until June I have a position until the primaries here in Maryland in June and then we (me and the candidate and my family) are re-evaluating. However, a lot may happen between now and then, my family may move away. We will see.
Plans will probably change a lot again likely soon. I am learning to accept it even though I really really hate it.