Ending any relationship with those close to you is hard, even if it’s for the best. Closure is harder. I find that burning bridges is the best way to achieve closure because it doesn’t let you go back, there is no temptation of the grass being greener behind you. I have a bad habit of going back on my decision, treating myself like a doormat because I prefer to be friends with someone. Even if they are TERRIBLE friends.
I don’t know that I had ever actually experienced closure until recently. Mostly because I am a super fan of quitting people cold turkey, because of the reasons mentioned above. However in the past 2 months I have a had to see a couple people that I had thought, hoped, prayed, I would never see again. This time, instead of feeling crazy and stressed, I felt good.
I felt so satisfied with my decisions and like oh yeah, my life is better without these humans. My pushing them away after the relationship needed to end, keeps them away and keeps me from going back. Anyway closure is a wonderful feeling and for me burning the bridges really helped me get there.
I knew what I have wanted to write about for a while. But writing it wasn’t working, because I was trying to write this post on forgiveness. Recently, I had the mind-boggling experience of having someone who hurt and manipulated me for years and then hurt my friends, decide that we were “okay”. General conclusion is the forgiveness is not necessary for closure.
It was very confusing. What was more confusing is why this threw me into such a tail spin. I mean it’s all I thought about for days trying to figure out what could have been going on in her head. Then mostly through powers of therapy I realized it because I always assumed one day she would change and/or care about the people she hurt. It appears that it was not the case.
I went through the same thing for years with my brother. He would mess up, he would hurt or steal or push buttons. He would be in the dog house and have stricter rules. We would trust him less but eventually things would return to normal and all would be forgiven and forgotten. Then it would happen again. He could justify doing what he wanted because in the long run nothing would change.
For someone to change there needs to be a real reason to, an opportunity cost, something to lose or something to gain. If they remain apathetic to the consequences that happen naturally I don’t see it being possible to achieve real growth. Until someone starts caring, they don’t see a need to change and that’s what must happen first.
Sorry just something I needed out of my system.