Applying to jobs

I need to do something when I leave school. This is fine and I like working. What I do not like doing is actively pursuing something (a job) that may not be mine. I am so scared of the rejection I know is coming (on average it takes 5o applications for 1 interview). It has not been a fun time.

I am starting with applying to Americorp. It is a year of public service with a living stipend and a grant for school once the service is completed. It’s both the field I want to go into but it also doesn’t tie me down to one place for more than a year. Unfortunately, it is also very competitive. I cannot put all my eggs in this one basket and need to apply to other jobs as well.

Where? What? How much? I honestly do not know.

There are so many job sectors that fit into Political Science (my major) let alone more individual groups and corporations that I could apply to it’s hard to know what to do or what I want. Right now the plan is to apply everywhere and see where the cards fall. It is hard and it sucks. I wish there were more people that could just tell me what to do or where to apply so I don’t have to apply to 50 jobs and get all the rejections that are for sure coming my way.

 

Making the best of the end

I have 6 weeks left of college. Actually probably less than 40 days at this point. It is terrifying. This school has become my home for the past 3 and a half years and it’s going to suck not to have it around or the friends I have grown to rely on. However, college also keeps me from having to be totally responsible for myself from becoming a “real” adult. My goal in my last couple days is to make the best of my last days of undergrad.

A) Yes I am and always have been super nostolgic about everything… even things that were really bad for me when they are going away

B) I am trying not to mope but make the best of it.

A lot of it has been really hard because this has been one of my favorite semesters yet. I am taking classes with professors I really like. My apartment mates are fun. And I have made more friends than I had expected this semester. So I am making the best of it. I am setting time aside to go to plays and have weekly lunches with old friends. I even went to a few parties I haven’t been to in a long time. Hopefully my last few weeks at my school will be happy ones.

Fingers Crossed.

Scary Movies for the Easily Scared

It’s Halloween season! Unfortunately it’s not all dress-up and candy lots of people are big fans of binging horror or thriller movies. I am very easily scared and don’t joy the gore that comes from movies like Scream or Annabelle. Here’s some movies that are so great for the spooky season but won’t have you peeing your pants.

  • Coraline: Dark and kinda super eerie… but it’s a kids movie so there aren’t deaths and almost no jump scares.
  • Pirates of the Caribbean Curse of the Black Pearl: In my personal opinion pirates are very Halloween-y (who hasn’t been a pirate for trick-or-treating?). It’s a super fun paranormal movie with one jump scare (and it involves a monkey)
  • Paranorman: A claymation movie that is ghostly and involves zombies, so you know it’s gonna be good. It’s a very sweet movie and there aren’t jump scares and it is mostly sweet and funny.
  • Hocus Pocus: Enough said.
  • Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein: An old fashioned black and white scary movie. It is creepy but also one of the funniest movie of all time.

Ambiguous Loss

So right now life sucks a little bit. Not just the stress of the year but my family suffered a loss. A loss but not a death. It’s hard to explain to others why I am hurting so bad when they aren’t dead. It is instead the loss of someone that was such a large part of my heart and my life that can no longer be that person, at least I don’t think so.

For a while I was trying to validate my feelings of grief when I came across the phenomena of Ambiguous Loss. It’s a very specific type of grief where there is no closure or true understanding of what happened just that it has happened. Unfortunately, there is also hope. The person that you love could become back to the person you loved again. It leaves you in the grieving process but doesn’t allow you to get to a point of acceptance because there is a hope of change.

So yeah, while life continues I am in a constant state of numb and sad. It’s definitely made planning for my future hard while there is such a hole in my present life. I’m restarting therapy this week but hopefully things start looking up or at least moving forward.

Wish me luck!

End of summer

It’s over. Both happy and sad that it has ended. I am pack at in Worcester and have started classes for my last semester of college. Summer was an incredible experience. I was able to live on my own in a new city. I am not ready to be a real adult. My most frequent meal was noodles in soup. My favorite snack was frozen corn, though I stand by that it is sweet and frozen and delicious.

Summer was amazing. I had to unwind and read so much. I actually got tired of reading which has never happened before. I got to explore a career I want to go into and a city I want to live in someday. I also got to spend a lot of time focusing on my relationship with my boyfriend and my parents. As well as making some new friends and be coming better friends with people who had been in my life before.

 

Complacency

I’m in a slump. It might be obvious I haven’t posted on here in almost two weeks. I’ve settled in to a pattern. Granted it’s a pattern of not doing much. I go to work and do what I need to do. I go home and sleep, eat, occasionally read or watch Netflix. On days I don’t work I go grocery shopping and on Fridays to a museum. The library has become almost a twice a week trip not to get more books I just like being there.

It is all a lot of the same thing again and again. I don’t post on social media it’s just a lot of scrolling through the noise. Books are taking me longer to read, which for me is saying a lot because long used to mean extra hours now it means extra days. I’m not doing extra work for classes or lobbying to get more responsibility at my internship.

Everything is even and level. I have a schedule for everything. Nothing is technically wrong. I’m just getting bored. Its weird at the beginning of the summer I wanted things to settle down and now I can’t wait to shake things up.

Reading Away From Home

So I love to read. I don’t really know about anyone else but for me a good book always feels like home. Unfortunately, when I’m at college or living far away from my parents house I cannot take my whole library with me. Finding a way to read someplace new is really important to me.

Libraries- aka one of my favorite places on the planet. Every city and most towns have at least one. They are great places to do work or hang out. Also they have really cool books, music, and movies. It is really easy to get a library card anywhere, you just need a residence or permanent address or if you are me just look really sad until they give you one.

OpenLibrary- This is the easiest app to use. It only requires the downloading of one application on to any device, also a library card to a home library. However, it is used by less home libraries so there is a chance you can not access books through this. It super user friendly and has most best sellers and some really top rated books that anyone would want to read.

OverDrive- This is probably the most commonly used by home libraries. However, this means that a lot of books are already checked out. It also is a little more strict about returning deadlines. It does have a larger variety of books and often has audiobooks as well, some even have video files. The one draw back to this application is that it requires additional apps to actually use and view the content.

I am sure there are other options but I hope this helps others keep their nose in a book.

One month

I’ve been here around 4 weeks now. I think I’m settling in but I’m not totally sure what I’m settling in to.

Boston: Is beautiful. I have taken a myriad of pictures while canvassing. The T is getting easier and easier to navigate and sometimes I even get to sit down. Free Fun Fridays at museums are a part of my plan to explore Boston and leave the house more. Never been in New England in the Summer, since I was very small. NOT a fan of the weather and I do live in New England over the winter.

Internship: is going well. I really like going in to do something everyday. It feels like I am doing something with and for a purpose. I think I am starting to make friends there or at least someone to talk to while making coffee and sometimes at lunch. I do like most of the people I work with so it’s nice relief.

I, personally: am in the Doldrums (I don’t know if you’ve ever read the Phantom Tollbooth but it’s where I live now). I am getting better at feeding myself, I even bought chicken this week. I spend a lot of time reading, and I have even started writing again, but I am lonely. I see my apartment-mate maybe every other day for never more than a minute at a time. I don’t hear from many people back home or here for that matter. Keeping myself busy just trying to push off the feelings of isolation.

Hopefully it gets better.

Canvassing

One big part of my internship and the part I was the most scarred about is canvassing.  This is basically means going around a neighborhood going to doors and talking to people, trying to get anyone to take literature or sign-up or give money to a cause.  Luckily in this case we aren’t asking for money we are just asking people to take literature and maybe sign-up for a mailing list.  We also aren’t going to every house but have a set list of people and addresses.

It is honestly very mentally and physically exhausting, but not as anxiety inducing as I had expected. I really don’t like talking to people but it’s not too bad because most of the time people aren’t home or they shoo you off. Sometimes you even get to have nice conversations with people, that has happened once or twice. The physical exhaustion is worse, I am still sore from Wednesday. We went to a little town outside of Boston. One of the streets I was assigned was on an extreme hill. The front doors were two to three flights up from the sidewalk, just for them not to be home 95% of the time. It was exhausting and also hot. Most days that we’ve been canvasing we’ve clocked in between 4-6 miles and it’s been 85 and humid. Not ideal days for me type people.

Moving forward. I don’t really have a choice about whether or not to continue because it is you know my internship also potentially a big part of the field I want to go into. But I think for now I’m working on focusing on the bright side. A) I do really need exercise so it’s not the worst thing and B) I’m getting to see more of Boston which is nice it’s like I get to explore through my job. In the future though I really need to figure out a way to bring water with me. Also to start planning my route before I start walking.

Hopefully as I get used to it, everything will get easier.

Feeding myself

So one of the hardest things coming into this summer is the idea of having to make 100% of my own meals, plus food shopping though I like that part.  It’s been a lot more fun and easier to cook than expected. Meal planning has not been as such. I have lots of food but figuring out when to have what when, also packing for lunch at work.

So obviously I stocked up on the non-perishables at the beginning of the summer. A lot of soups and noodles and rice to fill the stomach at any time. The standout was however Stovetop stuffing. It is so cheap and delicious and easy to make that it’s become a huge staple for me. You can also eat or add a lot to the basic mixture or have it by itself.

The rough thing is protein. Meat is ridiculously expensive and I am on a shoestring budget. However, eggs are great and actually you can make a lot with them. Not going to lie I have been eating more french toast than I had previously expected. Tuna is also really good and really cheap (also keeps forever!). Sandwiches are good but what I really like to do is add it to leftover Mac&Cheese with a little bit of mayo, spices, and extra cheese. It’s kinda like a makeshift tuna casserole. Any suggestions for new ways to get protein in my diet would be suggested? (Do not suggest peanut butter I am eating that everyday for lunch at work.)

The hardest part is figuring out when to eat everything and how to have a “balanced diet.” But food is so good and sometimes it’s hard to decide if I want pasta or a grilled cheese. Adding non-bread based foods is also rough, produce is expensive! Spinach has been a blessing in disguise, but fruit is so expensive and does not last that long. Fresh frozen is good but the bags are so small that I don’t want to have to keep repurchasing them.

Looking forward to making myself more and better food in the future.

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