I don’t know that anyone wants to be just one or at least wants to admit they are just one. Neither, I feel, fit me as a person or what how I go through life. The responsibilities of a leader and the lack of control of a follow can be overwhelming. Exploration is a much better role for me at very least. I don’t want to be beholden to a path, I want to feel free to see an interest to take a detour. I want to explore me and the world, without having to be responsible for those behind me or meet the benchmarks set by someone else.
Category: Uncategorized
Suspended Grief
So I have been in sort of an overwhelming place. Work is a lot, but mostly the tiny old cat is a lot. He has health problems for a while, but we hit a new low in the past few weeks. Last weekend, I slept about 8 hours from Friday to Monday, simply because I didn’t want him to have to die alone. Eventually, we got into see our regular vet for what is called a quality of life check to figure out what are the best next steps that are in the cat’s best interest.
Though we get some more time together, we got some bad news. Happy (the cat) is in borderline congestive heart failure. We might have up a year left, but his heart might stop tomorrow. Having our vet finally take things seriously was a relief, but I was not thrilled at where we ended. Our current status is unclear and waiting. The only goal of Team Happy is to keep him as strong and as comfortable as possible. He is getting medication to reduce pain, reduce vomiting, increase appetite, and ease digestion on the back end. The medications aren’t too expensive and he genuinely seems to still have a lot of spirit and energy, when he is strong enough to use it.
We are essentially waiting for him to die, officially. We know he has less than a year left, that has been confirmed. We are just waiting for the shoe to drop. Standing on the edge waiting to go over. It is really hard process knowing the end is coming while having to make the judgement call on when the end comes.
My Favorite Christmas Movies
Tis’ the season! We are a week out from Christmas so my household will be setting the mood for Christmas. Here are all of what I will be watching (and forcing others to watch) to make it feel more like Christmas! What is your must watch of the Christmas season?
- The True Classics:
- Miracle on 34th Street (1947)
- A Year Without A Santa Claus (1974)
- Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964)
- The Modern Classics
- The Santa Clause (1994)
- Klaus (2019)
- To-Be Classics
- Jingle Jangle (2020)
- Prep and Landing (2009)
- Christmas Eve Mandatory Viewing
- Elf (2003)
- Die Hard (1988)
- The Best of the Best
- A MUPPETS CHRISTMAS CAROL!
Holding Space in Holidays
It is the holiday season. There are thousands of obligations surrounding the months of November and December. There are things to buy, extra school or work to prepare for time off, the sheer amount of people, and dealing with everyone else celebrating at the same time. It is really hard to manage in the brain, but also as you are processing everything else that is happening. Whether that is dealing with family, grief, health, or anything else, in our structural holiday season there isn’t a lot of space to take care of yourself.
I find it really hard to “on” all the time: chatting, smiling, actively listening, happy, and engaged. I think now that I am an adult and also working and managing our holiday budget and schedules that is only more true. I love presents and holiday food and all the movies. I also this year am really appreciative that I am getting to see family and friends considering the end of the world has just been happening over the past 2 years. Despite all these joyous items, I don’t always want to be in the holiday mood, watch something else, listen to other music, or simply be sad.
One thing I am really working on this year is holding space. To rest, to do something different, to be by myself. Not going to lie my partner and I practiced secret signals before Thanksgiving and will be using them again;. I also found turning in before I felt tired gives me time to reset. I know several friends and coworkers take on totally seperate projects to work on that have nothing to do with the holidays so when they genuinely need a break, they can turn to writing, editing, building a computer, making die, etc.
How do you hold space for yourself during the holidays?
Dune (2021) – Movie Review
Dune has been one of the most hyped movies of the year with huge press and marketing leading up to its release. Now, it was a faithful adaption of the novel or at least the most faithful adaptation from a book that I have seen in recent years. However, it was not a good movie. It was a beautiful film, but it didn’t work.
When it comes to book to movie adaptations there is always a hope that the it is a detailed and exact translation from page to screen. In Dune, the book, so much in terms of the worlds themselves was left up to the imagination in visuals the function only was described. The movie did a beautiful job bringing the world, the people, and technology into a visual format. It did a great job maintaining the relationships especially between Paul and the main adults in his life (Leto, Jessica, and Duncan). Some of the dialogue was lifted straight out, which was very exciting.
However, so many of the genuine story elements felt compromised for the grand feelings and the world building visuals. There are three main story lines in the plot of Dune: the coming of the Kwisatz Haderach, the fall of the House of Atreides, and the control of Arrakis and the Spice there. Several of these plot points involve tension leading up to them because there is quite a lot conspiracy and tension. I found that we were largely missing that information and it let the tension go turning it from a political space drama to an adventure colonialism story. Now I really liked the explicit colonization framing, but I was really missing the intrigue of the Emperor’s plan, the foreshadowing of the betrayal, and the importance of the spice trade (they cannot give Arrakis up and still function as an empire). They also stopped the story half way through. None of the story arcs were complete! Only the fall of the house of Atreides hit it’s climax but everything else was unfinished. Not even to a clear transitional point, just stopped. I can understand that they want a sequel and to turn it to a film series, but it left a very unsatisfying taste in my mouth.
Ultimately, I do want more adaptions to get this budget and I think it is clear the filmmakers know Dune well. However, I was missing a lot of story elements that make watching movies engaging and make Dune specifically fun to be in.
Monsters at Work: Hit or Miss
The Premise: Monsters at work takes place after Monsters Inc (2001). The series follows Monsters Inc after it reopens to transition to use Laugh Energy instead. The whole company is trying to figure out it’s new place and how to work under new leadership. The new character we follow is Tylor Tuskman who was hired as a Scarer fresh out of Monster U. In the chaos no one thought to let him know the job no longer existed. When he shows up to Monsters Inc. he gets reassigned to the quirky facilities team, MIFT.
My Review:
I was really looking forward to this show as I am huge fan of the films and of the cast of this show. Unfortunately, it felt like the show knew that. I have this theory that you can figure out if a show is for you in three episodes. In my opinion, the show is rather forgettable. All the new characters are “weird” and intense, but they don’t have storylines of their own. Splitting the show with Mike, Sully, Celia, and Roz from the original series feels like it is splitting focus and doesn’t really know it’s own intentions. Mike and Sully even though it supposedly months later are figuring out for the first time how the new company should run and how to be in charge. The most heartfelt episode was episode three but it came it waves and for me too late. It feels like the show has yet to find it’s own heartbeat and direction.
How to Watch: Disney + (steaming service)
10 Best Movies My Dad Has Made Me Watch
So my dad hates gifts, but loves movies. He is a bit of film enthusiast/fanatic/historian and every year for his birthday and Father’s Day we watch all the movies he wants to (we basically reject them the rest of the year). As I am not with them to be subjected to this years movies I thought I would highlight the best ones from years past. Happy Fathers Day!
Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)
The Red Shoes (1948)
The Ladykillers (1955)
The Apple Dumpling Gang (1975)
Alien (1979)
Blade Runner (1982)
Blame it on the Bellhop (1992)
Good Burger (1997)
Grosse Pointe Blank (1997)
The Castle (1997)
I lack follow through
So I as a person love making lists and tracking different obscure things. However, because I enjoy making them so much I often don’t go back and follow up. So recently I have been really stressed at work so I went back to try to relax and make some new lists based off of old ones.
Last year before the pandemic I made a list of all the narrative (not reality) TV shows I had seen at least one season of on ListChallenges.com. There was about 260 shows. I freaking love TV, understand I have a problem, and cannot reiterate either enough. So, what fun, I thought I would make a list of TV shows I have seen every episode of guaranteed. It is only about 80. That is 30%!!!!
I have done a lot of stupid stuff in my life but I was incredibly disappointed in myself when I saw this. And so many of them were shows that were cancelled early and only had one to two seasons. WHAT EVEN IS THAT?! I love television how can I not have seen through so many of these shows. Now some I have seen all I intend to see because of decisions that were made for the last season (ie. BBC’s Robin Hood, Once Upon A Time, That 70’s Show). But so many are just shows that I cannot explain why I never finished, especially when all episodes are available on a streaming service that I HAVE.
So anyway, I cannot figure it out beyond the shows that are still airing or I don’t have access to. I really feel like a quitter but completely on accident. I am going to try to complete a couple more, but considering how much I love television I am definitely feeling really upset with myself about this revelation. I am going to attempt to complete 5 more shows by the end of summer.
Wish me luck!
One Year
One year ago today I had my last day in my office. I know this because we were supposed to have an event on Pi Day (3/14) that we had cancelled because of the incoming threat of COVID and it was an event for very literally hundreds of people. We were answering calls and complaints and processing refunds. Then I wrote a check, cleaned my lunch container (as far as I know it is still there), and went home.
Monday morning we received an email asking us not to come into the office unless you needed a company issued laptop or phone. We started working 60 + hours a week, with hour cuts, pay cuts, and mandatory vacations through the summer as the world go more and more intense. Then raises, promotions, and 80 hour weeks into the fall and winter.
My partner and I have spent a full year with almost no one else. My cats separation anxiety has gone through the roof. We have switched diets approximately 4 times (Currently we are low carb). I have watched in the triple digits of seasons of shows, though to be fair many were repeats.
Family members have died and been hospitalized. Friends were laid off. It has been a really hard and weird year. It’s hard to believe that a full year of my life has been spent this way. 4% of my life has been a global pandemic, a national crisis, and not sincerely leaving my home.
I don’t know what the next year will bring, but if it is anything like the last one I am not at all prepared.
My Favorite Salad Dressing
My partner and I have made a new commitment to vegetables. Actually to try to attempt a pseudo-Keto diet and actively reduce the number of carbs we are consuming. In the past month or so we have started actively eating vegetables almost everyday. It has been hard. I personally don’t really like leaves and require a lot of seasoning on really any vegetable (or for them to be a spoon for dip). In our experience, the least amount of work is a quick salad. Here’s the dressing I like best:
Servings: up to you and depending on size of salad
- 4 tablespoons EVOO
- 2 tablespoons Apple Cider Vinegar
- 2 tablespoons Lemon Juice
- 2-3 Garlic Cloves minced
- Couple shakes (2 teapsoons) dried Dill
- Salt and Pepper to taste
Mix all ingredients well – shake in closed container if possible. I find this dressing to be really fresh and tangy. It helps to hide the bitterness of the leafy vegetables as well as a delicious complement to any savory or sweet add-ons!
Pretend adult here 