Pleasure and Accomplishment

Something I have a big problem with especially on my time off is the feeling like I am wasting my time. I feel this a lot when I spend the day watching TV, coloring, reading, etc. There is nothing to show for the day. I know there is work in the future but the time, but relaxing and pleasure is a genuinely positive way to spend the day. Honestly, in the past it is has made me feel really bad at the end of the day, even though it has genuinely made me feel at peace and rest while happening.

I feel like when my dad watches another movie towards his year goal or my partner and his squad win a new round. I can appreciate the joy and the accomplishment in what they do. I have a really hard time giving myself that same patience and permission. I think it’s really hard to because there is some much going on with work (even on vacation) and that can be done around the home.

I am really lucky that I get a pretty genuine break from work this year between Christmas and New Years. I am trying really hard to constantly remind myself that it is okay not to get anything “done”. But it is really hard to maintain that mindset day to day, especially in a time where we mostly have to stay home. so there is no full way to break up the day.

Wish me luck in giving myself a break.


Christmas Prep

This year has been hard and long and I have lost most sense of time. We had previously been planning on traveling south to visit my family for about a week or so. My partner and I and family all decided it would be best not to travel down because we would have to stop multiple times along the route and someone would have to come into our apartment multiple times to cat-sit. My immediate family is also currently in a pod with my grandmas and my aunt. We decided it would be best not to put any risk and do a Christmas in July when it is a little safer for us personally.

With just the two of us, plus the cat, it has been hard to make it feel like Christmas. We have been doing the regular work and maneuver around the pandemic as best we can do order food or go on long walks. We recently had our first snow storm of the year. So at least it will be a snowy Christmas. In that spirit we are preparing for Christmas and making the best of it we can.

One, we are making sure we do a deep purge of old clothes, especially, hats, coats, scarfs, and sweaters to donate to our city. Wave 2 and blizzards hitting at the same time is really bad and it seems like the most direct thing we can do immediately. As well as donating food each time we go grocery shopping.

Two, a lot of baking. We started with apple pie. We are doing two batches of cookies in the next few days. We basically are doing our best to make the apartment smell like Christmas: cinnamon, chocolate, pork cracklings, garlic rosemary, etc.

Three, Christmas entertainment. We have been starting on the Christmas movies before bed. We don’t listen to a lot of music together but in the car it has mostly been orchestral carols just trying to set the mood.

I hope you all are enjoying whatever holiday you celebrate and are able to take sometime for yourself to relax.

Cabin Fever kind of…

It took nine months but I am here. I feel it. It hits me mostly at the end of the work day that I have no where else to go but here. My cat and I have developed a velco-like relationship. And the only other person I am going to physically see is the same person I have seen every day for nine months. Honestly, we have run out of new games to play and I lose at every card game every single time. Does anyone have a rec for a card game it’s easy to cheat in?

At first in March through the summer it was easier. There were was purpose through work and we already had a pet and didn’t have to scramble to find one. There was good weather to walk safely in daylight hours outside. However, I think now it would have been easier to manage the cabin fever then versus now when we are working, mentally and emotionally exhausted, and it is freezing and dark.

I think work has made my cabin fever all the worse. Previously, when I was feeling overworked or overstressed I didn’t have to stay in it. There is no where to go, I never actually get to leave work it just is paused for a short period of time. It’s not just that I can’t leave my home but I can’t leave my work. It seems like the world is so small right now.

Anyways, I think it is going to be a hard winter. I hope you all are doing well and stay warm.