On Death in the Family

My grandpa died about three weeks ago now. It was very hard and very weird to deal with as a human, let alone dealing with a death in the family as an adult for the first time. We knew it was coming but it was still a really hard experience

I feel like a lost so much:

• A family member
• One of the smartest person I have ever known (like actually I don’t know that I can think of someone smarter and worry seriously that a mind like his won’t exist again)
• A beekeeper and a wonderful source of honey
• My favorite gossip partner, after every family gathering we would just talk about the terrible decissions everyone had made and commenting on the slightest of remarks made by a cousin’s girlfriend or a great-uncle
• A home base
• And so so much more that I don’t totally have the words for yet

What I learned:

• Take more pictures of everyone for all time. You will want them and you will cherish them.
• There is no way to prepare to carry a box of someone’s ashes, you will just never be ready and yet it happens.
• A box of a person is A LOT heavier than you would think. (side note: the realest fear was coming from what if I drop this and he floats away)
• Tell HR at your place of employment there are these things called bereavement days and you don’t have to take vacation or personal time. Also, people can be nice.
• Sometimes it is helpful just to be there and be present and be ready for whatever.
• You can’t do many things until you have the official death certificate.
• No matter how much you know ahead of time and no matter how long you have been preparing to grieve it still hits you like a ton of bricks.