The one movie I don’t want to watch again

I have seen a lot of movies in my lifetime. A lot of this because movies are my dad’s truest passion in life. But either way I have seen a lot of movies, some are great, some are garbage fires, and some are purely an acquired taste. There is one movie I truly consider to be the funniest film I have ever seen: Ponyo from Miyazaki. It is also the one movie I am most afraid to watch again.

The first time I watched Ponyo I was 14. I was a freshman in high school. It was spring break. It was less than a week after our house caught fire.

It had happened on a Tuesday and our city was having like 6 different conventions and we were staying in a hotel that was 45 minutes out of the city and away from our schools. For spring break, we had planned on going on vacation out in Western Maryland and because we were going to have to switch hotels again. We still went. It was a sandwich hotel, from a temporary one and before a longer sabbatical at the next place. One a vacation from a home that was full of soot.

Anyways, Ponyo was our first night on vacation and it was the only full family moving appropriate playing (my sister was 7). It was so funny. Ponyo looked like a chicken when she transformed. The ocean was alive. It was hilarious. Honestly, I was in hysterics and I think my siblings were too but I was laughing so hard I couldn’t totally see them the whole time.

My partner and I have been watching the whole Miyazaki catalog with our HBO Max. I have redirected away from Ponyo every time. I have such a wonderful memory of it. It is a memory of light and relief in the middle of a really distressing time. I worry so much that no matter what it isn’t going to be good the second time around. If I don’t watch it again it can stay a favorite.

Maybe I’ll get around to it one day. Wish me luck!


2020 Mid-Year Check-In

So somehow despite this year being a grab bag of disaster and upheaval we are 6 months in. It is wild how much has happened this year just Globally. Then, Nationally. Then, locally. Then, just me. It to me feels like each month has been its on mini-year. 2020 has aged me like nothing else. I don’t know about you. But I have spent so long thinking about my community and my people during this time that I haven’t really had the time or space to think about how I am doing. So I thought I would check-in with some of the goals I set and how I have been doing lately.

Professional Goals

  • I attended a virtual working group conference. It was supposed to happen in person. I am super bummed, I feel like I didn’t connect with the group as well as I would have if we had actually been together for four days.
  • I have taken quite a few GRE practice tests, but not the actual GRE. I am a chicken, but also it’s become very hard to take the test during this GLOBAL PANDEMIC.
  • I made friends at work… but many have left during this time or I don’t really get to see or interact them with due to remote working.

Financial Goals

  • I put more than expected into savings, but am expecting to spend a bit of it over the rest of the year due a move and likely having to buy a new car.
  • Activities have been cancelled and have been spending more money on take out and delivery services. Did buy some video games to play with my partner.

Health Goals

  • So I don’t know how many people this is true for but I feel like a lot of my general health went out the window starting with the pandemic. Not just because of the illness, but I started having extreme trouble sleeping. Mostly eating non-perishables, due to not wanting to go to the markets frequently.

Personal Goals

  • I have been catching up with a lot of people which is good.
  • I was hanging out with people before the pandemic, which was good and then almost immediately bad.
  • I have been watching a few more movies, since getting HBO Max. However, I am still thoroughly more into TV shows and have watch some amazing ones recently (special shout out to Sweet Magnolias and Infinity Train)

Writing Goals

  • I have been keeping up with journaling which will be super interesting to look back on in a couple years.
  • Work has been insane so I haven’t been feeling creative or like I want to expend energy creating.
  • Obviously fell a little behind with the blogging. It just didn’t feel like my time to speak. I did address this, but if you missed it just go here:

Reading Goals

  • So this year I’ve read about 90 books. Which is a lot more than I had anticipated because time has changed. But during this time and space in life I have found a lot of comfort in returning to ANY PLACE ELSE.
  • Honestly, numbers wise I’ve read more disappointing books than normal, but percentage wise I’ve had a great reading year.
    • Some favorites: A River of Royal Blood; The War That Saved My Life; This is How You Lose a Time War
  • I have been finding that even though I have been trying to read more diversly for a while. I really wasn’t getting into the non-fiction or anti-racism education stuff. I am starting to do that.
    • I have started with Stamped by Jason Reynolds and Ibram X. Kendi. The next plan is to move to Pushed and White Fragility

I hope you all are doing okay and make sometime to check-in with yourself. Best of luck with the rest of 2020.

What has been happening

Everything I do or post feels frivolous or at the very least performative. The world has been a really rough for a while for a lot of people. None of the problems going around are totally new except the pandemic. Though a lot has been brought to light.

The Gist: Black Lives Matter! Breonna Taylor’s murders have STILL not been arrested and only one has been fired. Elijah Cumming’s murder has come to light. As well as many additional events of police brutality, where the information is finally been released to the public and the public is demanding real response from their government. Also, for Black lives to matter to institutions like police and the U.S. Government.

What’s up with police: Police are allowed to keep their jobs/be rehired with records of excessive force and violence . Police are not qualified for the work they are being asked to do. They are not social workers, experts on addition or mental health, or housing authorities. The way that we have criminalized the world does not mean the correct way to handle it is with the current police system. If you really don’t understand what is going on in the space I recommend starting with The Stanford Prison experiment.

What can you do: The most important thing is that you register to vote. Elected officials set the budget for police offices and public schools in addition many counties and states also elect judges. Please make sure you can vote by registering and then going to the polls, voting early, or voting by mail. Talk to your friends and family as well to make sure they also registered.

Some other ways you can make a change are going to protests, making calls, or making change in whatever way you can. A good way to start is by talking to your family, friends, and coworkers and getting out of your comfort zone when it comes to talking about race and inequality. For more ideas and ways to educate yourself please use the link below.