So right now life sucks a little bit. Not just the stress of the year but my family suffered a loss. A loss but not a death. It’s hard to explain to others why I am hurting so bad when they aren’t dead. It is instead the loss of someone that was such a large part of my heart and my life that can no longer be that person, at least I don’t think so.
For a while I was trying to validate my feelings of grief when I came across the phenomena of Ambiguous Loss. It’s a very specific type of grief where there is no closure or true understanding of what happened just that it has happened. Unfortunately, there is also hope. The person that you love could become back to the person you loved again. It leaves you in the grieving process but doesn’t allow you to get to a point of acceptance because there is a hope of change.
So yeah, while life continues I am in a constant state of numb and sad. It’s definitely made planning for my future hard while there is such a hole in my present life. I’m restarting therapy this week but hopefully things start looking up or at least moving forward.
Wish me luck!